Parents are often told the first 5 years of a child’s life are the most important for brain development, psychological bonding and habit formation.
When children hit adolescence, teens push away from us as parents to form their own identity and sometimes it can lead us to ask where we went wrong.
That’s when the mom guilt sets in. Naturally.
We think their perceived “misbehavior” is our fault.
We are frustrated because we don’t know how “to reach” them about taking responsibility for their actions. We often miss the fact that they feel controlled by the adults in their lives, and they don’t feel like their voice counts.
I wish I knew earlier in my daughters’ lives that the way I communicated with them, could make THE difference in their successful navigation into young adulthood. I also wish I knew that the way I communicated with them would be the key to a lifelong loving connection.
Like many parents, I grew up under authoritarian parenting and unconsciously repeated it not knowing that it worked against what my girls needed.
The good news? It wasn’t too late!
The first 5 years weren’t the only years where change and healthy relating could make a difference!
It wasn’t too late to enjoy the deep intimacy our hearts needed, and it wasn’t too late to hold the boundaries that would serve as guideposts for them either.
And yes, it is possible to share deep connection and hold boundaries at the same time!
Communicating more consciously made all the difference.
I no longer had to fear that they would enter young adulthood unprepared. Neither did I have to fear that they would shut me out when they left home. In fact, it was the opposite, the trust we grew with conscious communication, made them seek my guidance.
Newsflash: Your teen does not need perfect parents. They need conscious parents willing to do the work to heal and grow. We recovered from family alcoholism and divorce to deeply connect and solve problems together.
If the message of imperfect parenting and deeper connecting without your teen running wild, resonates with you, one of my Back on Track Parent and Family Communication Programs may be for you. Schedule your free, Back on Track call
