Albert Einstein purported no problem can be solved by the same level of consciousness that created it.

It’s the same in conscious parenting.

We cannot meet adolescence with the black and white thinking of authoritarian parenting and expect to prepare them for a world we can’t possibly imagine.

Quite simply, we know we’ve lost the battle when we demand our way and bully them into compliance because they want the money, the screen privilege or “to go out” with their friends. No one learns anything from those exchanges.

We cannot help a teen grow past power struggles if we call up their defenses by backing them into the resented compliance corner because we refuse to confront our own powerlessness.

Most parents are threatened and therefore terrified of losing power and control. We are conditioned to believe we must exercise power and control over our children

Most traditions acknowledge the psychospiritual phenomena of paradox as the pathway to growth. Only by admitting what we are powerless over regarding our teens – primarily their thoughts, actions and feelings, can we gain a healthy sense of personal control over OUR thoughts, actions and feelings, as parents.

Then we can come to realize that teens need support and guidance, not dominance.

Plus, it just works!

Choice and co-creation are necessary in our brave new world. Why don’t we guide them to use the power of choice and co-creation wisely?

But what does that look like in real life?

Instead of…

I’m sick of dealing with your grumpiness because you were up all night talking with your friends. You’re turning in the phone to me at 9pm and charging it in MY room overnight so you sleep at night and that’s final!

Try using conscious communication with the goal of building skills for the future.

I notice you have a hard time getting up in the mornings when you’ve stayed up late on your phone the night before. What are some things you would be willing to try to regulate your phone use at night, so you sleep better? Believe me, I know what it’s like to get lost in the scroll or a text convo. There are hours in my life, I won’t get back, that I could have been doing something more productive or even hanging out with you?

If they don’t have ideas. You can share your ideas.

Or course a conversation like this precludes the use of the communication skills that come before the observation and open-ended questions above. But this snippet does convey an approach that respects your teen’s autonomy. Modeling that level of respect begets respect from them.

Some parents feel compromised and overly solicitous or permissive when trying conscious communication for the first time. Parents are actually modeling the skills teens will need with professors for colleges or bosses for work.

One parent I was coaching by text (her package includes real time feedback for the first 30 days) shared when she tried this, “OMG! I got eye contact when I used conscious communication! It worked. And he got up with greater ease and less drama the next morning because he followed the plan we co-created.

Conscious communication attracts.

I hear from parents almost every day that their hope for their relationship with their teen is becoming a reality. Your parenting shift could be a few new patterns away!

If this resonates for you, book a Back on Track Assessment, https://LauraLReagan.com/backontrack/