There we were in yet another Admission, Review and Diagnostic (ARD) meeting where I felt fatigued by the protocol and unheard about how amazing my daughter was to be as successful as she was in a traditional classroom, while feeling inadequate to explain how the accommodations that were intended to help her ADHD symptoms weren’t being applied properly to her homework and testing.
Why in high school, much less a magnet school campus did we have to meet with her subject area teachers every single semester to make sure they knew and applied the accommodations appropriately? Why was it my job to explain and educate on the pervasive nature of ADHD every single semester? Why was it my job to conduct professional development? (Remember this was 25 years ago.)
It had been years since she was diagnosed with ADHD and Other Health Impairments. We knew what worked. We knew what didn’t and yet she was an adolescent that was growing and changing. Why couldn’t these meetings be truly collaborative where we co-created collaborative solutions?
Then one day during the ARD meeting, my daughter stopped the proceedings and used her voice to explain using clear, concise skills what she needed. She was passionate about what she needed but respectful, despite feeling unheard.
She even surprised me!
She used her I-messages.
“I feel seen and heard when the teacher remembers that I get extra time on the test. I feel singled out and a bit like an outcast when I have to speak up in the classroom about my accommodations. Is the counselor willing to send a list to all my accommodations and how they can be applied at the beginning of each semester to my teachers so that I am not put in an awkward situation with classmates that don’t understand my unseen perceived disability?“
I remember it like it was yesterday. Internally, I was screaming and jumping up and down in triumph!
Not only was my precious baby, now 15, who was born a preemie, already had 5 corrective surgeries, dealt with occupational therapy and physical therapy to be developmentally on grade level from multiple disabilities a shero for just breathing, she was self-advocating with the respect and communication skills, I used with her at home.
It was one of those milestone moments, when I got to exhale a sign of relief, knowing that she had the ability to self-advocate now and make herself heard.
Most of the adults in the room were taken aback, (some jaws dropping on the floor) and then the diagnostician who was facilitating the meeting, said, “Yes, of course. We can do that.”
It was a red-letter day for which I am truly grateful, and it made me honor her and her journey even more!
It also contributed to me researching, mapping out and writing up, the communication skills that I work with children and teens that have ADHD. My proprietary family communication model called Back on Track works in lots of settings, but it particularly helps with kids that have attention issues.
It works, not because we seek compliance targeting unwanted behaviors but because it models how to self-advocate for a lifetime.
Schedule a Back on Track Assessment to talk about how the communication model applies to your ADHDer and family.
